John died five years ago today. As happens to me dozens of days each year, on every anniversary of every special occasion since he died, I am finding myself – against my will – struggling. My instincts are screaming at me to react with self pitying grief. My mind is reminding me that – by facing the devastation of John’s death with love – I have transformed my deep grief back into the fiercely, peacefully, passionately, eternally loving bonds that we have always shared.
During the forty years of our lives that we shared, John and I gave and received the greatest gift it is possible to receive in this life which is the gift of unconditional love.
Because love is the most powerful force in the universe, people who love each other are able to overcome the barriers of physical separation by sending each other gifts through signs in nature, fond memories, meditation, contemplation, imagination, dreams and clairvoyance (which literally means still being able to see each other clearly). Here is a story to show how this works:
For John and I, our ways of giving each other anniversary gifts were to get out in nature, take photographs, bake cakes, share stories and make music. Now that he has died, I continue to do my best to mark each special occasion by doing these things.
About two weeks ago, as my mind unconsciously began preparing for the anniversary of John’s death day, my dreams became stronger and more memorable. During my dreams John sent me memories of a sort of familiar but long-lost song about flowers growing in someone’s smile. Although I could only retrieve a couple of fragments from my nightly dreams, I did some detective work and found the song.
“Birds and Ships” was written by one of John’s favourite musicians, Woody Guthrie and posthumously recorded by Billy Bragg and Natalie Merchant.
As this gift from John expresses so well, we are indeed lonesome for each other. However, we both know how to see each other and smile at each other every single night and every single day with the help of the birds that sing in our eyes and the sweet flowers blossoming in our smiles. We send each other messages of love through the wind, the sun and the wild storms of our soul-mated dreams.
I often re-read Tom Zuba’s 2014 book “Permission to Mourn: A new way to do grief.” He says, “The death of someone we love dearly cracks us open. Big time. It’s supposed to. It did me…
…And for a time – which varies from person to person and can be a few days, a week, a month or many months, a year, or years or the rest of our life – some (many) will dance between both worlds. I do. Do you? Did you? Are you still? Dancing?” https://www.tomzuba.com/
My name is Linda Hill. My memoir Together Still: Love Beyond Death is available wherever books are sold as a paperback, e-book, and audio book. Now I am travelling the world virtually and in person sharing my story and listening to others’ stories about Continuing Loving Bonds.
I am an ordinary person who became extraordinarily special and magical by receiving the greatest gift there ever was which is simply to love and be loved in return. Most people in the world have also had the extraordinary opportunity to fulfill the purpose of life which is to cultivate unconditionally loving relationships with one or more family members, friends, pets, and the more-than-human wild beings in nature. Some of us have even found intimate love with a soulmate. Everyone who has ever loved experiences deep grief when someone we love dearly dies. My mission is to help you transform your deep grief back into the deep love it has always been. This well researched but little known practice is called Continuing Loving Bonds. If you haven’t already done so, I hope you will subscribe to my blog by leaving your email below. And, you can click here for more information about how to sign up for our Continuing Loving Bonds Story Sharing Circles that will begin again in September.
CONTINUING LOVING BONDS 