One of the fringe benefits of being in my seventies is the number of childhood friends who have suddenly reappeared. I think this is an example of what spiritual teacher Ram Das often referred to as “walking each other home.”
This past year, I have been spending an astonishing amount of time in the land of nostalgia, looking through photo albums, finishing sentences that begin with “remember when,” reconstructing timelines, and discovering something important:
Despite our wrinkles, hearing aids, glasses, and other replacement parts, we are all recognizable as the kids we once were.
A few months ago, when I was attending a celebration of life for one of my beloved childhood friends, I sat with another childhood friend who is also in his seventies and reminisced. The two of us were in first, second, and third grade together.
Both of us fondly remembered the warmth and safety of the neighbourhood we grew up in and the school we attended.
We were both grateful to the caring teachers, parents, and neighbours who provided us with ongoing opportunities to build strengths that we could draw on during later times of adversity.
As we talked, my former classmate decided to share what I consider to be a sacred story about how his memories of his primary school classmates continue to be a comforting source of resilience for him. He told me that he keeps our class photos from primary school in his bedside table. Every so often, before he goes to sleep, he selects one of these photos, greets each long-ago classmate by name, and remembers a connection from way back when. One of his fond memories of me is that we both had pet rabbits.
He said that his meditative practice of remembering his elementary school as his first “sangha” for learning and practicing friendship has helped him find the peaceful, easy feelings needed to get through some challenging times.
One of the many important lessons I am learning from my reunions with childhood friends is that—just as continuing loving bonds with beloved people who have died helps turn grief back into love—continuing loving bonds with beloved people who knew us way back when helps turn trauma and other forms of suffering back into peace.
My name is Linda Hill. When someone we love dies, the outcome of our deep love is deep grief. We can gradually transform our grief back into the love it has always been through a well researched set of tangible and spiritual practices called Continuing Bonds (that I call Continuing Loving Bonds)
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CONTINUING LOVING BONDS 